February 6, 2009

12:17AM

The most important change in my life is that I've been approved for the "leather shop" since November. The leather shop is part of the prison"s hobby craft program and is a room where we can make leather crafts. This opportunity to be able to help support myself is something I've wanted since leaving the row, death row's hobby craft program was ended in the mid 90's.

This has been one helluva learning experience for me, along with learning how to work leather I am learning more about myself and other people. A wise man warned me that nowhere else in the prison will you find a group of people like those in the leather shop. The wise man was 100% correct and hopefully I'll survive without too much damage as I chose independence.

The men there are all hustlers (not meant in the negative sense) and everyone chases the same marbles through various ways. I believe that a man can hustle (chase money) with morals and principles as well as without them, being cutthroat will produce quicker gains but has the disadvantage of making one short-sighted. How can a man with limited experience dealing with people, not to mention unscrupulous prisoners, manage to maintain his values while making gains? Honestly, I do not know.

The only thing that I know for sure is that I must learn all I can as quick as I can and get my equipment, tools and supplies. That puts me in a much better position when dealing with everyone cause I will be independent. Otherwise the hostlers want to hold you hostage by making it difficult for you to pursue your goals and will find ways to use you. Currently, I'm in exactly that situation because I've been dancing with a very crafty man.

This man had me snowed into thinking he was not crafty at all, the words, crafts and actions were all design to reel me in. Nobody pulled my coattails until recently and without the wise man's assistance I'd still be blind, thinking he was a stubborn and misguided man instead of whom he really is.

This man is one of the best craftmen in the leather shop and what he taught me in these months I'm grateful for. I stood side by side with a master as his apprentice and learned at a rapid pace, too bad our personalities and business objectives may not allow this relationship to last much longer. By no means am I ready for the relationship to end, only because I cannot fly yet.

To fly is the goal and to soar within the clouds. Such lofty goals and it will require patience, especially when I do not have what I need. A sewing machine will cost $500-$700, an air compresson $150-$200, airbrush $65, tools $300 and supplies another $600. Can I get my hands on at least $1.615? Hell no! But I will make it through this embryonic stage and become a man in the leather shop. A man with the same morals and principles that I arrived with.

I'll write an update much sooner than you think. I'm closing now only to ponder my next moves.

P.E.A.C.E.

February 5, 2009

2:26AM

Hello,

Chances are that you have not missed hearing from me and that's okay, but I have really missed sharing my thoughts and experiences with the world as if I matter. The gap in updating my blog was totally my doing, in fact my Little Sister (Claire) has been on me to write for the entire time.

Writing has always been enjoyable for me since I begun many years ago, it has not only helped me meet some very beautiful people and learn new things, but allowed me to release some of the pressure through venting that my life brings. Recently I've come to realize that "something" has been robbing me of my essence. Yes, I have several theories as to what that "something" is, but honestly it's still a mystery. Only fools or insane men can find true happiness in prison, being neither I have come to understand that I have always gone through each moment in a state of depression and misery. One day I'll know why things have attered me.

Am I the same man that I was on August 30, 2007 ? Hell No !! Nor the same man on February 22, 2006. Besides being older I'm much wiser thanks to the knowledge I've gained from being in population. Each phase in our lives will teach us something new, those long years in a one man cell taught me how to primarily function alone and to trust total strangers, now the lessons are just the opposite.

Going from that to functioning within a large group of people has tested me more than I foresaw. Please keep in mind that I've had my own room, cell and stuff most of my life and landing on death row so young has handicapped me by removing the opportunity to interact with so many people. Nearly everything I have learned about life was through reading, listening and observing. The last three years I have finally been able to learn through experiences.

Before being captured and caged I avoided most males and large groups of people, learning enough to avoid trouble and keep on moving. Prolonged engagement was rare and hindered my ability to socialize as I must now. Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not talking about interacting with normal people in normal situations, but with skilled con men who do not want you to see whom they really are and even despse themselves. The conditions we face daily only adds to the difficulty of our encounters, nobody wants to be here. It's forced socialization.



1:26PM

The prison was lockdown most of the morning because there was a riot at another prison and several officers had to help settle things down, they serve on the riot team. What this was about won't be known for several months, usually when guys are transferred from the hot spot to other prisons, but the truth will be hard to detect.

Not much has changed in here! The faces have thanks to guys leaving through making parole, transfers and going to jail (segregation), but essentially the happenings within prison continue as they always have. Violence, shakedowns, dog searches and thousands of parasites living off each other until death or removal from hell.

W.C. Holman Correctional Facility was opened in 1969 and received the least amount of maintenance, just enough to get by. Our warden since 2001 has made improvements to the living conditions - but never with us in mind, security is the #1 priority and that includes keeping us from tearing this raggedy place up due to our disgust. He changed the lights to see us better, the locks to control movement, the fence to keep us on the island, cameras to spy on us, created the Honor Dorm for mind control and the staff in order to have his every desire followed, even the ones that defy common sense.

The shutdown that I discussed in August 2007 was what brought about the most recent changes. Three of the four dormitories that were in dreadful need of repairs have been completed and the fourth will be finished very soon. The style is based upon the Honor Dorm, the fifth dorm, and was done with security in mind because an officer can stand nearly anywhere and see everything in one glance. Bunk beds are gone and there are still 114 men in each dorm. This was achieved by not only reducing the space between the beds from about 36 inches to 24 inches but by placing beds side by side. Visualize this; Bed #1 and #2 are 24 inches apart. Bed #3 is directly next to #2 with a divider made of plywood 2 feet high and 3/4 inch thick. Bed #3 and #4 are 24 inches apart. Bed #5 is directly next to bed #4 with the plywood between them and so on.

Yes, the plywood prevents the staff from seeing everything, but if they can read body language they still can understand what's happening. Kinesics is how I'm able to walk into areas, large or small, and instantly know what's up and know how to carry myself. A skill I had to learn in order to avoid drama with so many personalities, it even amazes me how far I've come over the last three months.

Anyway, the shower and bathrooms are still in the front of the dorms. Instead of there being toilets and urinals on each side we have only 6 toilets and 6 sinks on one side with no urinals at all. And the showers are on the other side, 3 poles with 10 shower heads total. Every thing is wide open!

Oh, there are no longer any boxes on our beds or moveable wooden locker boxes. Our boxes are between our beds near the walls and are bolted to the bed frames, 4x2 feet with one side for each man. At least they added shelves .

December 13, 2007

9:46 PM

Made a couple of phone calls yesterday and the resulting conversations took the fight out of me for a moment. I learned that one of my legal issues is likely lost due to not being properly preserved. Because it was not appealed at the correct time future courts will refuse to hear it! There are other issues that may get my conviction overturned, but in this war every bullet is very important because you never know which one will produce a victory. My freedom/life is on the line and there is a real chance that I’ll never be free, which is death in my eyes because this situation I’m in is only existing – not living.

My attorney was apologizing for this and it didn’t help matters. It’s not totally her fault because I should’ve seen to it that the appeal continued, but my mind was so caught up in the possibility of being without lawyers and others bullshit. She had a very full plate and was even concerned with future employment. The courts have no sympathy for such things and the defendants bear the burden, so I’m upset with the courts and myself.

I also learned that my Christmas package won’t arrive until after the holidays, maybe January 10th. The company we must order the boxes from has two phases; order by November 30th and delivery will be by December 20th, order by December 31st and delivery will be by January 10th, someone ordered a portion of my package with my agreement and that caused the company to refuse the order I wanted, by the time they agreed to allow that person to order the rest it was too late. So my snacks, the only food box we are allowed each year, won’t arrive in time to assist with my Holiday Blues. Things could always be worse! This is obviously my year of lateness, even my Christmas cards will be delayed arriving at their destinations thanks to a slow artist and a lack of stamps. Better late than never – right. Next year will be my year of improvement!!

Happy New Year!

PEACE

December 11, 2007

11:44 PM

The lockdown was lifted today, much earlier than anticipated, and the rumors are close to the truth. There was an argument between two men and one threatened to write the other up. As the man who was threatened with the write up left to get his knife the other man left that spot where he was sitting. The victim sat in that exact spot and when the man returned he cut his throat without realizing he was attacking the wrong man. The perpetrator is a paranoid schizophrenic that wears glasses, without them he’s squinting all day and wasn’t wearing his glasses that evening.

Damn, to almost lose your life and not even be the intended victim. My mind never saw that coming and I should’ve at least known it was possible because it happens everyday outside of prison.

December 10, 2007

6 :57 PM

The rumors are flying about what happened and it’s too early to tell what’s true. The good news is that the victim is in stable condition, it’s said he died several times on the way to the hospital.

The riot team visited the Honor Dorm and I imagine it was to shakedown. This tactic was use as a show of force to instill team, the Doc’s most effective management tool.

December 9, 2007

8 :30 PM

Everyday is an adventure that must be survived and each day finds new victims. About two hours ago there was another senseless act of violence within the walls of the W.C. Holman Correctional facility, a man had his throat cut and stabbed several times, the outlook is bad. He was flown by helicopter to the emergency room in Mobile and an Officer just said these words, “Y’all know how to pray and need to pray hand”, when asked how he was.

This act of violence happened in the Honor Dorm. The Honor Dorm is under a faith based program that accepts or denies inmates after applications are submitted. It’s viewed as a community and there are lots of rules and benefits. Residents must attend classes and group sessions that put positive achievements in their prison jacket/file, stuff that can help them get out of prison and hopefully improve their thinking so they don’t return.

The warden created this at Holman, other prison had it long ago, and will be pissed and embraced that it happened there. He’s always holding the dorm and residents up as role models to the rest of us. The best things about the dorm are the certificates you can earn, the cleanliness, no double bunks, five TV’s, computers, their own library (books, music and movies) and CD players. The drawbacks are isolation from the rest of the prison, reduced personal time and they want you to snitch on others. They don’t only expect us to police each other’s behaviour but to write the inmates up and bring violations to their attention. Most inmates refuse to do that because it will ruin their standing with others and harm the violator by taking points from him or kicking him out.

December 7, 2007

7 :30 PM

Hello Friends,

It’s calmer than usual cause most of the inmates are off watching the DVD that we get every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Back in the day it was two videos per week and one more for major holidays, now it’s three per week and one or two more for holidays. There is on DVD/video player that’s controlled by an officer or death row inmate and every TV in the prison can pick it up, they are connected by a cable system. No, not “cable”! Just the same tools that feed eight channels, sometimes ten depending on the weather, to our televisions.

Viewing times are 6:00 pm and 11:00 pm on Friday and Saturday, 9:00 am Sunday and throughout the day the best ones will be replayed. I choose the late night to avoid the discomfort of sitting in a crowded TV room and on Sunday sit in the back of the dorm on a friends bunk to watch when the Sunday movie is replayed. Yes, I try to see every video that’s showed, the only other times I’m watching TV sports and the news. All they wanna watch are cop shows like CSI, NCSI, Prison Break, Cane and etc., the last thing I wanna see.

Speaking of that brings to mind how much I’m forced to still play cops and robbers. “Cops and Robbers” or “Cowboys and Indians” were childhood games and even then I didn’t wanna be the cops or cowboys. Perhaps an early indicator of being criminal minded? Anyway, due to the vast amount of archaic rules the Doc has for us to live under I’m having to avoid the police on such minor things. Which has me nothing the habits of the administration and the officers because I hate to make the same mistakes twice.

My violations are minuscule on the rector scale, but even being caught for them would mean I’ve not learned anything.

Prison should teach us a few things if common sense is present in our brains.
- Do not break the laws/rules
- Involve nobody in your business unless they are essential to the operation, chose him wisely.
- Learn from the mistakes of others in order not to get caught.
- Do not let your greed on another’s envy bring you down.
- If you cannot get away with breaking the rules you best not try.
- If they know about it they will talk about it!! Damn near everybody thinks they can trust one person, which is how secrets become rumors, rumors become gossip and gossip leads to investigations because rates come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
- Do not ever tell on yourself through words on actions.

Can I go without breaking the rules? Definitely. There isn’t a doubt in my mind because I realize what being a criminal has gotten me and how little I need to find happiness. A woman, good music and good food, that’s it. The reason I break rules now is I have little to lose and I hate to be denied whatever brief joys there are in here. Please keep in mind the type of rules I’m breaking ; eating twice so I can get extra French fries, not being clean shaved all the time, having too many sheets and clothes, and other things that I refuse to mention.

Going to read the newspaper and listen to the radio until it’s time to watch the movie.

December 5, 2007

12 :07 AM

Another blessing is that my mom and I have been getting along so well that it’s scary. Our love for one another is unquestionable, but we have bumped heads to much for our liking. Mom has even been visiting more often, I really appreciate that because it’s very hard to see your child in prison. My goal is to keep this going! Other blessings would include how I’m adjusting to dealing with those around me. Communal living is still extremely unpleasant but I’m getting better at attracting and repelling associates, making it easier to shrink my circle. As the riffraff is pushed aside those with morals, values and principles are revealed. Time management and distractions are constant issues; once I manage to overcome these problems other things will become easier. At least I’m now capable of finding conservations that are stimulating, next is to discover whose word is their bond. Another of life’s perpetual quest.

Before coming to prison no sport held my interest, unless kickball and cycling are considered. Chasing girls along with other mischief went perfectly with riding a bike around the Cities of Mobile and Prichard Alabama. Since as early as 1991 I’ve been in love with the sport of basketball, playing or watching it on TV at every available opportunity. Some years ago naming every NBA player, their colleges, salaries and stats could be done with ease. Now I struggle to keep up with who’s playing for who and no longer play. Anyone that knows me realizes the significance of that statement and my difficulty at arriving there.

The basketball season starts in the spring but I’ve already decided not to play. Why? It’s my best interest to stay off the basketball court before I end up in trouble. My attitude is fine; it’s my tolerance that’s running low. No longer can I deal with selfish teammates, bias referees and stupid coaches. Luckily I’m now capable of recognizing what’s on the horizon and will take a long break. Maybe I’ll play in 2009; in the meantime I’ll walk the track, jog, lift weights and hopefully heal from all those years of abusing my body.

December 3, 2007

6:30 AM

Since the shutdown there has not been any serious violence, just fights without knives. And the administration has finally started to transfer inmates to other prisons so that work can begin on the drainage problems. Before the work can begin, they must empty an entire dorm, 114 inmates. Besides the transfers they plan on adding bunks to the Honor Dorm, which already houses about 170, and using a vacant tier that near the row. Guys are actually excited to move into 5x8 feet cells with another inmate. Not me, it was too small living in that cell all those years alone and to add another stanky man would violate the constitution. Oh, the drainage problems can only be fixed by busting up the concrete floor and once that dorm is completed they must do the same thing to another dorm that’s across from it. Four dorms are “suppose” to be getting improvements (new) to the bathroom areas and I reckon it will all be completed sometime in 2011. State contractors are slow because they have no incentive to be speedy.

Since my last entry Alabama has had two executions stayed, Daniel Siebert and Thomas Author, thanks to a case that’s before the U.S. Supreme Court that will determine the constitutionality of lethal injection. Predicting how the justices will rule is impossible. But what makes me doubt they will rule in our favour is the fact that such a ruling could mean the end of capital punishment in America. Something they aren’t ready to end, killing the barbaric practice could reshape the entire justice and penal systems over the next 20 years. Even after the Supreme Court saved my life it’s still difficult to have faith they will do the right thing.

Blanketing the nation with stays as they have creates hope. A commodity that’s rare for all men, women and children confined within the penal institutions of America. Throughout the nation hope is everywhere thanks to the 2008 Presidential Election. Democrats believe it’s theirs for the taking and that has Republicans on pins and needles because everyone, even their base, knows they’ve f__cked up. Forget the daily, polls, the economic data indicates that Bush and ‘em have put the nation in a worst position than when King George’s reign begin.

I’d support whomever wins the Democratic Nomination, but my favorites are Dennis Kucinich and John Edwards. The others are okay, but I fear corporate moderates and love grassroots liberals!

Thanks to one of my attorneys believing in me she was able to convince her new law firm to accept my case. The new team includes four other lawyers that are currently getting familiar with my case and Alabama’s laws. There are some minor problems to work out but I can’t complain, many would love to have this blessing.

December 3, 2007

2 :47 Am

What guest am I on today? As scattered as my mind is I’m grateful that my pursuits all point to my overall goal. Of course, it’s freedom. What else is preventing my life from shifting gears into another stage? Which causes me to question myself and seeking ways to improve on flaws. Does the acceptance of some flaws mean I’ve settled on imperfections that could cause harm to progress? Having never been 35 years old before and not recalling my past lives, that’s if reincarnation occurs, this could be the “mid life crisis” I’ve heard about. But then again, life has never been satisfying.

Life inside drifts along at the pace of snail mail while outside fiber optics rule. To be as plugged into life as possible would overwhelm my senses, producing a high that’s sure to be worth the cost.

Something is causing me to question things deeper than before. Questions have opened up desires that have lain dormant for so long, too damn long. Love with a soulmate and children. My limited network and confinement could keep my zygote/seed from walking into the future. A beautiful woman I’ve known since the early 90’s has gotten married without me even knowing she was engaged. Although we have only been friends I know she would’ve born my child if my life was different, we would have grown old together. Deprivation has me seeking routes around every roadblock in my way. The Doc is only concerned with us smuggling in drugs through visitation, perhaps they need to stop my seed from reaching fertile soil if there existing blockade doesn’t keep she from me.

Would I actually do it? A deep one to ponder causer every choice has consequences. Could I stomach never being free with my child, that’s ever deeper. Men want to leave their mark behind and for me that desire is multiplied because of my past. Ending another man’s life is the worst thing I’ve done, a negative mark, and I need to leave only positive marks the rest of the way. Becoming a father in this current state would also be negative; I recognise that and cycle back to freedom.

Believe it or not, the last of Alabama’s 13 juveniles on death row has finally left the row. The U.S. Supreme Court ended the practice of killing juveniles for their actions on March 1, 2005, recognizing that maturity was further behind in development than previously thought, and it took all this time to go from death row to the general prison population. As he adjusts to his new life I’ll try to share with him what I’ve learned and hopefully it will help. Experience is the best teacher, but knowledge of what’s coming can assist us when walking our paths. There are six former juvenile death row inmates in population, so his adjustment should go smoother.

August 30, 2007

9:46pm

Today I was given another job as a 1st shift dorm cleaner. No, I didn't want another job but it's part of the territory of going to jail. Plus, the Lt. that makes the decisions is also over the law library and has been after me to return to work, something I've avoided because he hired a rat (snitch) while I was gone. Actually I believe that decision came from his superiors, but that doesn't matter to me. This rat is so obnoxious that I fear being around him because of what can happen, he acts like telling will prevent someone from hitting him in his mouth, so I stay away cause I'm not into going to jail. Anyway, the Lt. is letting me have my way and at the same time showing me that he's in control.

I'm now required to wake up by 7:30am and clean the dorm while everyone is either forced outside or asleep. The work may mean cleaning the showers, sinks, toilets, sweeping and mopping. Occasionally dorm cleaners have to spray the dorm down with a high pressure sprayer, that requires moving all the bunks around and getting all that water up. I'll give this a try but eventually I'm going back in the law library. Just like the police - a little labor can make me appreciate what I had.

August 28, 2007

12:24pm

Our consolation prize was some needed repairs to the drainage system are finally being addressed, some extra hours of shower time and respect. There is a bit more but they are so insignificant that they slip my mind. Like always there are hundreds of inmates saying they won't ride on anymore protest, but I know better. The frustration that we live with can surface anytime and these same frustrated souls will participate if it's only to relieve some pressure. Lord knows I've followed before and can't wait for the next time.

August 26, 2007

11:49pm

They say we shouldn't cry over spilt milk. I can't help it, especially when that milk was cold, fresh and in a glass titted toward my mouth. We had these bastards and let the opportunity slip through our hands.

The key to the protest succeeding was money, when you interfere with the bottom line you get demands met. When the workers don't report to work for the prison industry jobs at Holman the state loses money if deadlines aren't met. The inmates in the "Tag Plant" make tags for states all across America and the inmates in the "Metal Fabrication Plant" make park benches , grills, tables and other objects that are sold to governments for public use. The "Tag Plant" has contracts for about 8,000,000 tags to be delivered by the end of the year, over 1,000,000 need to be done by the end of August.

Most of the money these inmates generate goes to help run the entire prison system while they make less than $70°° a month. We'r talking about men making 25-40 cents an hour for jobs that will pay $10°° an hour or more if done by free employees. Oh, keep in mind that when no inmates report to key jobs in the kitchen the state has to pay their officers overtime to have enough staff on hand to feed us. More money they must spend when they are already crying broke, which is so routine nobody pays it attention anymore, inmates understand how broke they really are.

The few diabetics that live in my dorm would tell us what was happening when they wen to eat and/or get their medicine. To hear that these lazy officers were sweating as they did some of the most demanding jobs was very satisfying to me. These are the same officers that think what the inmates do is easy, some even come to work with attitudes and take it out on us. These police forget that they are paid for doing nothing ! Don't get me wrong, they are not paid to work in the normal sense of the word but are paid for what could happen. In other word's, prisons run themselves on the backs of inmates and the staff is paid to prevent escapes and to prevent or halt violence. Most of these officers have not been working long enough to have experienced full blown riots or the hellish days of Holman's past and they take their jobs and the laidback nature of the inmates for granted. There is nothing like having to prepare meals for a thousand men to help them put things in prospective.

August 25, 2007

10:19

Getting back to how the protest turned out...

We appeared to be united when we went to bed on the 6th, but the warden had an ace up his sleeve. When I awoke on the 7 there were five police in the dorm, one was the usual officer that's in here (they wear light blue shirts and navy blue pants) and the other four were members of the riot team - all black from head to toe with some very long sticks on their sides. The riot team is made up of DOC officers from across the state. These officers are very aggressive and have nasty attitudes, they actually try to push our bottons so they will have a reason to bust our heads.

Fear was the warden's ace and the riot team introduced fear into these weak %÷\#/\@*$< hearts. To see these so called gangsters tipping around like they were walking on eggshells separated the men from the boys. No matter what's thrown at me I will always be who I am and that's a scary man with a big mouth. Nobody shall take my voice until I'm dead, especially when I'm in the right or at least justified in my point of view.

Yes, I can admit to being scared of many things, but I'm not a coward. Cowards allow their fears to paralyze them! Fear only makes me take a step back and proceed with caution. These men that feared the riot team the most are the same men that wanted to kill each other the night before. This wasn't a riot and we had valid issues so all we had to do was act normal. Even the members of the riot team realized that we weren't acting a fool and that the conditions we live under are indeed very sad, many of them were disappointed for being called away from their families.

Later that morning our representatives met with the warden again, then were allowed to discuss things alone when the warden left. One dorm was going to eat but not work and that caused the rest to fold. By the time they called for my dorm to eat dinner three of the five dorms had already ate and I watched my dorm empty, about 20 of us held out for the 48 hours. As hungry as I was there was nothing that could make me fold, I committed to a 48 hour hunger strike and that's what I intended to do. Perhaps the saddest thing that happened was when the dorm for the kitchen workers was called to eat they immediately moved the police out of the way and went to cooking, cleaning and serving food.

August 23, 2007

9:15pm

Luther Williams was scheduled to be executed three hours ago. I've not asked anyone did the execution happen because I feel it in my gut. I'll watch the ten o'clock news for their 30 seconds of coverage.

Execution days are so much harder for me in pop. than they were on the row. On death row everyone was experiencing the same thing and the mood was somber, plus I could avoid so much in that tiny cell. Now I am forced to be around individuals that have no idea of the storm that's brewing within me. To make matters worst they say the damnedest things and when I attempt to answer questions or let them know how insensitive their thoughts are it only adds to my frustration. The only people who seem to understand are former death row inmates, guys that almost landed on death row and a few of the police that know of my past.

August 22, 2007

2:16am

The heat has returned with a vengeance and I'm unable to sleep. Things were getting better for about a week, but the last two days have been unbearable. The middle and high 90's have been the norm this summer; it's so bad that "heat advisories" have been issued for most of this region and a large of the United States. It was to the point that Chaplain Bowder, a minister who visits Holman about twice a year and has cookouts with religious services, donated Gatorade to the prison for us. Gatorade and donuts can go a long way toward showing us that we're not forgotten and loved, especially when we live in hell.

Since my last update Alabama has murdered one of my friends, Darell Grayson, on July 26th. Darrell was the Chairman of Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty and helped me grow over the last few years on the row, losing him was a hard pill to swallow.

To make matters worst they plan on killing another friend, Luther Williams, on the 23rd. More executions are either scheduled or expected to be scheduled in the coming months and I know everyone of these men very well.

There is an old saying that states, "If it's not one thing it's another", that's exactly how I feel about what's been happening this summer. Since my last update we've experienced some of everything.

On July 30th there was another stabbing, but this one came with a few twist. Two inmates got into a fight and one was putting a good ass whipping on the other when two of the loser's friends attempted to break it up, the loser upped his knife or box cutter and cut the winner in the chest, face and throat while he was being help back. In rush the police and one of them was cut on the arms while breaking it up. The two inmates that were fighting went to jail along with one of the guys that tried to stop the fight.

The guy who was winning and got cut is one of the few inmates I actually like in "general population", so this pissed me off because it could have all been avoided or at least he shouldn't have gotten cut. Men in prison are very strong and full of frustration so when they willingly collide it's with tremendous force. In other words, you can't break up a fight with only two individuals unless you're so damn strong that you can toss the participants far apart. Those who attempted to stop the fight are responsible for the stabbing, because if they had stayed out of it the loser would not have had a chance to pull a knife - especially not with the whipping he was receiving. This was Holman's sixth stabbing this summer.

This resulted in population being locked down and the first few days went rather well. Things began to change very slowly on the 3rd of August because of the warden's antagonizing remarks. When asked when he'd lift the lock down he gave the following replies; when I'm ready, in a month and never. Those aren't his exact words but they are damn close. Then on the 5th everyone saw the officer that had been cut and he had a bandage on each arm, clearly not life threatening and the warden is talking about punishing the innocent for a month.

Since our warden arrived at Holman as the deputy warden he's wanted to implement "controlled movement" and this was another opportunity to enforce his will upon us. Controlled Movement is any measure that assist the staff in restricting who moves, how they move and where they move. The warden has already restricted death row to levels that I've never experienced in my stay there. On the row they added more wire mesh, steel plates and doors that prevent the inmates from passing things from tier to tier. Now in population the measures include cameras in most blind spots, a police on the exercise yard whenever it's open, an electric fence (cameras and movement sensors) so several towers could be closed for the those officers to be placed on the halls. With this lock down we were allowed outside one dorm at a time a few times a week, less time than we would've gotten in seg. or on death row.

We saw the injured officer at our last meal and by 7:00pm that night the masses united in a protest. Since I don't huddle up and gossip with everyone I was not informed about anything. The first thing I noticed was that guys were setting the TV's, microwaves and irons out of the dorms, this created a bit of excitement and the general feeling of "it's about time we did something". As the hours progressed we had agreed to not work and as a sign of of our unity to have a 48h hunger strike. All five dormitories were down with this and we passed messages back and forth through notes by the hall runner and shouting. In my dorm I was one of the main guys writing our demands to be passed to the other dorms, not a role I desired but somebody had to do it.

The plan was for nobody to negotiate with the warden. We wanted to see the Prison Commissioner who is the warden's boss. The complaints included our poor living conditions, the food, expensive rates when we call our families, everyone being punished for the actions of one or two individuals, lack of hot water and "Controlled Movement". The best laid plans usually go awry and this protest was clearly a spur of the movement thing.

On the 6th the Deputy Commissioner came and met with our representatives, not much was accomplished from that meeting because he simply passed the buck around. Hindsight tells me that he was filling us out and buying time while their thinkers came up with something. The representatives got called out again that evening and wound up in a meeting with the warden. Instead of walking out on him they talked and reported back to us, this was a major mistake because mankind is naturally weak in unity and discipline, give the weak a way out and they'll take it or at least introduce dissension amongst our ranks.

Mission Accomplished! Our warden is a master at psychology, I think he even has a PhD in psychology, if he’d been thinking before he antagonized us with those remarks the shutdown would’ve never happened. By the evening of the 6th guys were at each other’s throats – literally. The main point of disagreement was the hunger strike, guys wanted to eat and begun accusing others of not sharing the little food they had. This was untrue from what I seen because when someone opened a pack of cookies that only has 16 cookies at least five men ate from that pack of cookies. Other men fixed meals for the sickly and elderly soldiers among us and there were others passing out snacks until they had nothing for themselves. Men I viewed as being selfish showed me another side of themselves; unity can be such a beautiful experience.

July 24, 2007

10:46pm

I'm hungry enough to eat Mickey Mouse!! The lunch and dinner meals weren't very eatable, so I skipped lunch altogether and ate three cookies at dinner. Big mistake since I don't have anything else to eat, but I'm just tired of eating nothing else for over three months. In two days I get off restriction and hopefully will get a store order on the same day. Lord knows I need it because I've borrowed all that I can and the lenders are sweating the 26th as hard as I am.

Before I mail this off there are two more things to mention. MSNBC came to Holman to shoot a documentary that will air in the coming months. Visit their website and you will find the first documentary they shoot in 2006. Both times they asked me to participate and I turned them down because my lawyers were against the idea, as badly as I wanted to have my say it wasn't worth bucking my attorneys. Oh, the show is titled "Lock Down" or "Locked Down".

The other thing I forgot to include is that Jeremiah Jackson was released from seg. several days after me and guess where he's sleeping. That's right, on top of my bunk. He says that he can't seem to get away from me. Jeremiah was filmed for MSNBC's recent documentary, so check him out.

July 23, 2007

10:15pm

The muscles relaxers have not arrived yet! But a few kind nurses gave me some anyway, those pills really have helped. How much? After lunch I played a game of basketball! I didn't play very long and it did not matter. We even won the game, our first victory in a very long time. I'm dedicating this win to the Creator for blessing us with the ability of self-healing.

July 23, 2007

1:25am

This update should've been mailed days ago, but as we know life rarely goes as planned. On the 17th I was warming up to play a pick up game of basketball and hurt my back, a simple turn to get a rebound and I strained a muscle in my lower back. This has happened over the years so I knew that it would not get worse by playing, no matter what I do the healing process has a mind of its own. After maybe an hour of basketball and running some laps around the yard I was ready to shower and get some sleep.

The officer in my dorm refused to anyone shower, even the workers that are approved to shower after work. At lunch time I went to another dorm to shower and went to sleep before noon without going to eat. When I awoke at 2:00 to use the bathroom I could barely walk, it took me fifteen minutes to get out of bed, walk to the urinal and back to bed. Whatever happened in my back was more severe than I thought.

I talked to the officer in the dorm about the situation and after calling the clinic twice they sent a wheelchair to get me. Once in the clinic the nurse took my blood pressure, weight, temperature and asked me to get up and walk about six feet. That was a very slow and painful walk as I was bent at the waist and crooked to the right. She gave me three ibuprofen and told me, “You can’t take that wheelchair back when you leave”.

You’d think that with my crippled walk and complaints of pain the nurse would have looked at my back. There were two doctors in clinic at the time and neither were called to see me. On the way out the door I was complaining to the nurse about how she was treating me and told her, “You didn’t even look at my back”. Her response was, “Turn around. You just want me to see your back”. As if her looking at my back was a turn-on! I’ll be the first to admit that almost 18 years with only “self-satisfying sex” keeps me horny for the slightest sight, smell and touch from a woman, but I never cry wolf with my health and her simpleton thoughts only pissed me off.

Pleading with her to let me send the chair back once I reached my bed fell upon deaf ears. I was forced to walk out of there and it took me about ten minutes to reach the dining hall, where I ate a sandwich because the other food was all gone. I’m dreading the long walk down the hall to my bed and after searching my brain for a solution it comes to me. I had an officer call another dorm to ask a guy can I borrow his wheelchair for a few minutes. When the chair arrived I was pushed to my bed where I stayed unless I had to use the bathroom.

The next morning I managed to make it to pill call and breakfast still walking like a bent up “Z”. More ibuprofen.

After another day without much improvement I signed up to see the medical staff and Nurse Simpleton is the one to review me again. She takes my vitals and asked what’s wrong. I tell her that my back hasn’t improved and they haven’t done anything to help, but she informs me that some muscle relaxers were ordered for me. Things here are ass backwards as ever, I’m hurting and must wait on the pills to arrive in a few days! No muscle rub! No brace or wraps!

On the 20th I felt good enough to walk for 30 minutes around the exercise yard, it was painful but I needed to stimulate the muscles somehow. A friend attempted to play chiropractor before I reached my dorm and another guy attempted to massage the knotted muscle later that night. By the 21st I was walking straight with less pain. My other therapies included some borrowed muscle rub and stretching.

July 17, 2007

1:20am

The rest of the weekend went by quietly, but today was another story. At 7:30am on the 16th my neighbor hit my leg and said, "They got me". I thought he was joking until he started packing his stuff to go to jail, he was among twelve more positive drug test that were from the 108 collected last week. Once again shock waves went through population. One of the twelve was caught with an ounce of weed in his property as he was being searched and processed into segregation, it will be maybe six months before we see him again. All 17 of those inmates who failed the test will get 45 days in the doghouse, charged $31.50 for the cost of the test and do at least 90 days in jail.

The chase continues as they tested more of us today. The only bright spot was that seventeen men were released from seg.. When the sun rises nobody knows what to expect.