December 5, 2007

12 :07 AM

Another blessing is that my mom and I have been getting along so well that it’s scary. Our love for one another is unquestionable, but we have bumped heads to much for our liking. Mom has even been visiting more often, I really appreciate that because it’s very hard to see your child in prison. My goal is to keep this going! Other blessings would include how I’m adjusting to dealing with those around me. Communal living is still extremely unpleasant but I’m getting better at attracting and repelling associates, making it easier to shrink my circle. As the riffraff is pushed aside those with morals, values and principles are revealed. Time management and distractions are constant issues; once I manage to overcome these problems other things will become easier. At least I’m now capable of finding conservations that are stimulating, next is to discover whose word is their bond. Another of life’s perpetual quest.

Before coming to prison no sport held my interest, unless kickball and cycling are considered. Chasing girls along with other mischief went perfectly with riding a bike around the Cities of Mobile and Prichard Alabama. Since as early as 1991 I’ve been in love with the sport of basketball, playing or watching it on TV at every available opportunity. Some years ago naming every NBA player, their colleges, salaries and stats could be done with ease. Now I struggle to keep up with who’s playing for who and no longer play. Anyone that knows me realizes the significance of that statement and my difficulty at arriving there.

The basketball season starts in the spring but I’ve already decided not to play. Why? It’s my best interest to stay off the basketball court before I end up in trouble. My attitude is fine; it’s my tolerance that’s running low. No longer can I deal with selfish teammates, bias referees and stupid coaches. Luckily I’m now capable of recognizing what’s on the horizon and will take a long break. Maybe I’ll play in 2009; in the meantime I’ll walk the track, jog, lift weights and hopefully heal from all those years of abusing my body.

December 3, 2007

6:30 AM

Since the shutdown there has not been any serious violence, just fights without knives. And the administration has finally started to transfer inmates to other prisons so that work can begin on the drainage problems. Before the work can begin, they must empty an entire dorm, 114 inmates. Besides the transfers they plan on adding bunks to the Honor Dorm, which already houses about 170, and using a vacant tier that near the row. Guys are actually excited to move into 5x8 feet cells with another inmate. Not me, it was too small living in that cell all those years alone and to add another stanky man would violate the constitution. Oh, the drainage problems can only be fixed by busting up the concrete floor and once that dorm is completed they must do the same thing to another dorm that’s across from it. Four dorms are “suppose” to be getting improvements (new) to the bathroom areas and I reckon it will all be completed sometime in 2011. State contractors are slow because they have no incentive to be speedy.

Since my last entry Alabama has had two executions stayed, Daniel Siebert and Thomas Author, thanks to a case that’s before the U.S. Supreme Court that will determine the constitutionality of lethal injection. Predicting how the justices will rule is impossible. But what makes me doubt they will rule in our favour is the fact that such a ruling could mean the end of capital punishment in America. Something they aren’t ready to end, killing the barbaric practice could reshape the entire justice and penal systems over the next 20 years. Even after the Supreme Court saved my life it’s still difficult to have faith they will do the right thing.

Blanketing the nation with stays as they have creates hope. A commodity that’s rare for all men, women and children confined within the penal institutions of America. Throughout the nation hope is everywhere thanks to the 2008 Presidential Election. Democrats believe it’s theirs for the taking and that has Republicans on pins and needles because everyone, even their base, knows they’ve f__cked up. Forget the daily, polls, the economic data indicates that Bush and ‘em have put the nation in a worst position than when King George’s reign begin.

I’d support whomever wins the Democratic Nomination, but my favorites are Dennis Kucinich and John Edwards. The others are okay, but I fear corporate moderates and love grassroots liberals!

Thanks to one of my attorneys believing in me she was able to convince her new law firm to accept my case. The new team includes four other lawyers that are currently getting familiar with my case and Alabama’s laws. There are some minor problems to work out but I can’t complain, many would love to have this blessing.

December 3, 2007

2 :47 Am

What guest am I on today? As scattered as my mind is I’m grateful that my pursuits all point to my overall goal. Of course, it’s freedom. What else is preventing my life from shifting gears into another stage? Which causes me to question myself and seeking ways to improve on flaws. Does the acceptance of some flaws mean I’ve settled on imperfections that could cause harm to progress? Having never been 35 years old before and not recalling my past lives, that’s if reincarnation occurs, this could be the “mid life crisis” I’ve heard about. But then again, life has never been satisfying.

Life inside drifts along at the pace of snail mail while outside fiber optics rule. To be as plugged into life as possible would overwhelm my senses, producing a high that’s sure to be worth the cost.

Something is causing me to question things deeper than before. Questions have opened up desires that have lain dormant for so long, too damn long. Love with a soulmate and children. My limited network and confinement could keep my zygote/seed from walking into the future. A beautiful woman I’ve known since the early 90’s has gotten married without me even knowing she was engaged. Although we have only been friends I know she would’ve born my child if my life was different, we would have grown old together. Deprivation has me seeking routes around every roadblock in my way. The Doc is only concerned with us smuggling in drugs through visitation, perhaps they need to stop my seed from reaching fertile soil if there existing blockade doesn’t keep she from me.

Would I actually do it? A deep one to ponder causer every choice has consequences. Could I stomach never being free with my child, that’s ever deeper. Men want to leave their mark behind and for me that desire is multiplied because of my past. Ending another man’s life is the worst thing I’ve done, a negative mark, and I need to leave only positive marks the rest of the way. Becoming a father in this current state would also be negative; I recognise that and cycle back to freedom.

Believe it or not, the last of Alabama’s 13 juveniles on death row has finally left the row. The U.S. Supreme Court ended the practice of killing juveniles for their actions on March 1, 2005, recognizing that maturity was further behind in development than previously thought, and it took all this time to go from death row to the general prison population. As he adjusts to his new life I’ll try to share with him what I’ve learned and hopefully it will help. Experience is the best teacher, but knowledge of what’s coming can assist us when walking our paths. There are six former juvenile death row inmates in population, so his adjustment should go smoother.

August 30, 2007

9:46pm

Today I was given another job as a 1st shift dorm cleaner. No, I didn't want another job but it's part of the territory of going to jail. Plus, the Lt. that makes the decisions is also over the law library and has been after me to return to work, something I've avoided because he hired a rat (snitch) while I was gone. Actually I believe that decision came from his superiors, but that doesn't matter to me. This rat is so obnoxious that I fear being around him because of what can happen, he acts like telling will prevent someone from hitting him in his mouth, so I stay away cause I'm not into going to jail. Anyway, the Lt. is letting me have my way and at the same time showing me that he's in control.

I'm now required to wake up by 7:30am and clean the dorm while everyone is either forced outside or asleep. The work may mean cleaning the showers, sinks, toilets, sweeping and mopping. Occasionally dorm cleaners have to spray the dorm down with a high pressure sprayer, that requires moving all the bunks around and getting all that water up. I'll give this a try but eventually I'm going back in the law library. Just like the police - a little labor can make me appreciate what I had.

August 28, 2007

12:24pm

Our consolation prize was some needed repairs to the drainage system are finally being addressed, some extra hours of shower time and respect. There is a bit more but they are so insignificant that they slip my mind. Like always there are hundreds of inmates saying they won't ride on anymore protest, but I know better. The frustration that we live with can surface anytime and these same frustrated souls will participate if it's only to relieve some pressure. Lord knows I've followed before and can't wait for the next time.

August 26, 2007

11:49pm

They say we shouldn't cry over spilt milk. I can't help it, especially when that milk was cold, fresh and in a glass titted toward my mouth. We had these bastards and let the opportunity slip through our hands.

The key to the protest succeeding was money, when you interfere with the bottom line you get demands met. When the workers don't report to work for the prison industry jobs at Holman the state loses money if deadlines aren't met. The inmates in the "Tag Plant" make tags for states all across America and the inmates in the "Metal Fabrication Plant" make park benches , grills, tables and other objects that are sold to governments for public use. The "Tag Plant" has contracts for about 8,000,000 tags to be delivered by the end of the year, over 1,000,000 need to be done by the end of August.

Most of the money these inmates generate goes to help run the entire prison system while they make less than $70°° a month. We'r talking about men making 25-40 cents an hour for jobs that will pay $10°° an hour or more if done by free employees. Oh, keep in mind that when no inmates report to key jobs in the kitchen the state has to pay their officers overtime to have enough staff on hand to feed us. More money they must spend when they are already crying broke, which is so routine nobody pays it attention anymore, inmates understand how broke they really are.

The few diabetics that live in my dorm would tell us what was happening when they wen to eat and/or get their medicine. To hear that these lazy officers were sweating as they did some of the most demanding jobs was very satisfying to me. These are the same officers that think what the inmates do is easy, some even come to work with attitudes and take it out on us. These police forget that they are paid for doing nothing ! Don't get me wrong, they are not paid to work in the normal sense of the word but are paid for what could happen. In other word's, prisons run themselves on the backs of inmates and the staff is paid to prevent escapes and to prevent or halt violence. Most of these officers have not been working long enough to have experienced full blown riots or the hellish days of Holman's past and they take their jobs and the laidback nature of the inmates for granted. There is nothing like having to prepare meals for a thousand men to help them put things in prospective.

August 25, 2007

10:19

Getting back to how the protest turned out...

We appeared to be united when we went to bed on the 6th, but the warden had an ace up his sleeve. When I awoke on the 7 there were five police in the dorm, one was the usual officer that's in here (they wear light blue shirts and navy blue pants) and the other four were members of the riot team - all black from head to toe with some very long sticks on their sides. The riot team is made up of DOC officers from across the state. These officers are very aggressive and have nasty attitudes, they actually try to push our bottons so they will have a reason to bust our heads.

Fear was the warden's ace and the riot team introduced fear into these weak %÷\#/\@*$< hearts. To see these so called gangsters tipping around like they were walking on eggshells separated the men from the boys. No matter what's thrown at me I will always be who I am and that's a scary man with a big mouth. Nobody shall take my voice until I'm dead, especially when I'm in the right or at least justified in my point of view.

Yes, I can admit to being scared of many things, but I'm not a coward. Cowards allow their fears to paralyze them! Fear only makes me take a step back and proceed with caution. These men that feared the riot team the most are the same men that wanted to kill each other the night before. This wasn't a riot and we had valid issues so all we had to do was act normal. Even the members of the riot team realized that we weren't acting a fool and that the conditions we live under are indeed very sad, many of them were disappointed for being called away from their families.

Later that morning our representatives met with the warden again, then were allowed to discuss things alone when the warden left. One dorm was going to eat but not work and that caused the rest to fold. By the time they called for my dorm to eat dinner three of the five dorms had already ate and I watched my dorm empty, about 20 of us held out for the 48 hours. As hungry as I was there was nothing that could make me fold, I committed to a 48 hour hunger strike and that's what I intended to do. Perhaps the saddest thing that happened was when the dorm for the kitchen workers was called to eat they immediately moved the police out of the way and went to cooking, cleaning and serving food.